One of the Good Ones

Sorry—it’s been a hot minute since I shared an update.  Sadly, there really isn’t any new news to share with our journey. 

The past few months have been crazy over here! We started our house addition, started Kindergarten, started school during this pandemic continued, scheduled another surgery, and started our possible genetic carrier journey.  Oh man is that a hefty price tag) Do you see a pattern here? We have started many things and again the enemy is allowing my fear to get the best of me. You see– I feel like every time we start something it seems to be more of a challenge than I ever could anticipate. Clint on the other hand is much more enthusiastic and can be hopeful in the challenges! He always has a dream and makes it happen. He doesn’t let the obstacles define him. I can remember early on in our dating relationship he dreamed of having a trucking company. I honestly didn’t want this-My family had a successful trucking business and I didn’t want the competition—but he didn’t see it that way, he saw it as a way to grow personally.  I didn’t think it could be worth it and here we are with hired drivers.  Clint had this dream to renovate an old house because he could get it so cheap! (if you know Clint, he is the king of CHEAP) Our house was a foreclosure —oh but what a tough journey that was!  Clint was doing electrical on the morning of our wedding!! Yikes!  He worked so hard during that time going to school at night and working 40+ hours a week!

Once again, he got me through the challenges of that project and here we are again adding on to repeat that mess!   Around last year he really wanted to focus on excavating and again I let fear and doubt that we could ever make it work full time!  He wanted to carry on his Dad’s passion he saw growing up as a child. Now, as I sit here I can’t but help but think of how hard he works to make us better!  His dreams always find purpose and I am so so thankful for that! His excavating dream has allowed more family time and flexibly!  It’s even allowed Ellie and I to get to “play in the excavator” at times!

Clint and I started dating in 2008. We have amazing parents who taught us to be better people and we never can truly repay that to them!   One thing that I truly never understood when we were only 16 years old (we are only 3 days apart) was that Clint was only allowed to see me three days a week! I mean how fair was that!?  I had to chase the enemy away when I could do the fair vs unfair. He even spoke truth to my mind way back then! I believe that God helped shape us during that time to be apart so we could be better together!

I can remember praying at a younger age that my future boyfriend/husband would wait till marriage.  And God truly showed up there—one of the first times hanging out Clint said well I AIN’T doing that till I get married. My heart almost exploded right then and there! That was so unheard of you see I only had ONE very close friend who shared that wish with me. That was so hard but another lesson where God saw us through another struggle.  

Clinton Dean—You are truly one of the GOOD ONES!

We love you so much more!

Thank you for being a role model for Ellie’s expectations of a good man!

IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

Guys—It is OKAY to not be okay all of the time.  It really stinks to feel so crappy, but so does feeling like it isn’t okay to feel all the emotions!  This week has been quite the week!  First, my dad had open-heart surgery, one super difficult doctor appointment, kindergarten struggles, house addition challenges, and the list could go on and on. So many more decisions to consider and no real answers at this point. The church really got me today! One of the opener songs called When the Fight Calls by Hillsong really got me. As soon as the music started, I instantly knew I would lose it. It isn’t a new song, but it has been a song that has continued to get me through many struggles throughout the years while attending LifeHouse. As I stood there with tears rolling down my face, I knew it was my sign to continue to trust God through this fight we are facing.  My biggest struggle lately is the bitterness towards the process and others. I keep fighting it even though some days it seems impossible. The message today continued to speak truth into my life. Pastor Matt talked about Joseph’s story and how he trusted that God was with him through his struggles.  This story of hope was something that God knew I needed to hear today. Clint and I have been praying for a sign to help make our decision easier and that hasn’t been the case. My biggest prayer is that God would allow us to be content with our girl or to be at peace with where we are at right now.  I truly believe that God puts desires on our hearts for a reason and I whole heartedly know that God is strengthening Clint and I through this journey. I want to continue to share his love and truth with you all. He has got us this far and he will continue to be with us through this FIGHT!

These lyrics from When the Fight Calls— are so moving!

I won’t let the storm weather my heart

Won’t let the darkness beat me down

Sing in the night my hope alive in You

I’ll walk through the fire and not be burned

Pray in the fight and watch it turn

Jesus tonight I give it all to You

Don’t let the storm of life weather your heart!

Much Love,

Camile

Fair

The Van Wert County Fair will always hold a special place in my heart. I can still remember seeing Clint for the very first time he was leaning up against the sheep barn in a cut off shirt and hat.  A mutual friend said hey this is my friend Clint, he is going to walk around with us and that was the real beginning of us!   You see this memory was two years before we actually started dating but I know God designed Clint just for me! Another important couple in our lives met at the fair also—My parents met over 43 years ago at the fair!  You see this event may seem so silly to most, but the fair holds such a special place in my heart for so many ways other than just having met Clint there! The fair was important to my grandfather, who passed his love for fair with my father, then passed it to me & my brother and now my Ellie girl (and nieces and nephews.) The fair is such a fun time to get to see people you don’t always get to see, but it also is a time to share your love for hard work through many ways, my favorite was through 4-H. I thank 4-H for helping shape my love for children that God created in me! 4-H takes such dedication and fair allows for this work to be shared with others! This week is our county fair and it only seemed fitting to write about it! This year is very weird, but it has already been a blessing in disguise because it has allowed our families to slow down and enjoy the real reason for the fair! You see—we normally are running around like crazy during the fair that we don’t always find time to enjoy the moment God gives us during these times!   I am so thankful that God allowed my family to enjoy the fair for so many years! I have met so many lifelong friends during those years!  I have always used fair as a timeline for my life—especially through this journey! I remember thinking years ago, next fair I will be pregnant, then the following year I thought the very same thing and here we are three years later still trying to trust God through it all!

God tells us in Matthew 5:16 to let our light shine through

our good works.

I pray that God continues to allow my family to shine their light this way and I am so thankful that God planned these fair memories to shape me into a hard-working person!  

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

How are you sharing your light with others while supporting our youth in the community?

Giving Up

Guys—right now don’t we all feel like giving up in some shape or form! I know I haven’t said much about this COVID stuff, but it has affected everyone in some way!  BACK to SCHOOL is so close for most of us and the stress levels are so high already! I pray that you find ways to let God’s Truth speak into all the extra stress that may be added to your normal stress!

With IVF giving up is always in the back of my mind but I hate to quit things. Our girl had her dance recital this past weekend and of course of all days I had to have my midcycle scan that same day!. I was so planned, I got everything packed the night before and even put it in my car so Clint couldn’t be blamed for forgetting something!  BUT—I was so rushed that day that part of her outfit got missed hanging up! Once we noticed a great friend (WHOM we are so thankful for in every way) rushed to our house to find it but it was too late!!!!!! I was so MAD! I felt like a failure because again trying to have another baby was taking precious moments from our girl! I was so worried that she would be upset but she wasn’t she instantly said “it is okay mommy, I wasn’t upset!” She got to dance and she didn’t have a care in the world that she was different! SUCH A HUGE LIFE LESSON—She teaches us so much! After being so upset–Clint really got me thinking—he said, “When do we know enough is enough.”  I was like WOW! I have been thinking about the next steps if IVF never works for us!  My doctor has mentioned a possible surrogate, but we aren’t totally ready to consider that just yet! Another option we could consider is adoption.  So many decisions and paths we could choose.  And Here We Go Again—- the enemy starts creeping in when it comes to decisions, instead of me trusting God to help us make that decision.  I am so thankful that God chose Clint for me and chose some really important friendships into our lives, they continue to speak wisdom into my thought process. I recently reached out to a distant family member who always was someone I looked up to as a child (I can still remember the details of the light blue dress I wore in her wedding.) She dealt with infertility and chose adoption, she said to me that they say IVF is physically and mentally exhausting while adoption is emotionally exhausting.  This meant to me that either way the exhaustion will hopefully be worth it one day!

In Jobs we can find hope in the path that God has chose for us—

But God understands the way to wisdom, he knows it location. For he looks to the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens” (Jobs 28:23-24)

You see we can stay stuck in the anger of it all or we can choose to trust that God is right here in the deep struggle with us!

As Always much much much love,

Camile

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