Guys—right now don’t we all feel like giving up in some shape or form! I know I haven’t said much about this COVID stuff, but it has affected everyone in some way! BACK to SCHOOL is so close for most of us and the stress levels are so high already! I pray that you find ways to let God’s Truth speak into all the extra stress that may be added to your normal stress!
With IVF giving up is always in the back of my mind but I hate to quit things. Our girl had her dance recital this past weekend and of course of all days I had to have my midcycle scan that same day!. I was so planned, I got everything packed the night before and even put it in my car so Clint couldn’t be blamed for forgetting something! BUT—I was so rushed that day that part of her outfit got missed hanging up! Once we noticed a great friend (WHOM we are so thankful for in every way) rushed to our house to find it but it was too late!!!!!! I was so MAD! I felt like a failure because again trying to have another baby was taking precious moments from our girl! I was so worried that she would be upset but she wasn’t she instantly said “it is okay mommy, I wasn’t upset!” She got to dance and she didn’t have a care in the world that she was different! SUCH A HUGE LIFE LESSON—She teaches us so much! After being so upset–Clint really got me thinking—he said, “When do we know enough is enough.” I was like WOW! I have been thinking about the next steps if IVF never works for us! My doctor has mentioned a possible surrogate, but we aren’t totally ready to consider that just yet! Another option we could consider is adoption. So many decisions and paths we could choose. And Here We Go Again—- the enemy starts creeping in when it comes to decisions, instead of me trusting God to help us make that decision. I am so thankful that God chose Clint for me and chose some really important friendships into our lives, they continue to speak wisdom into my thought process. I recently reached out to a distant family member who always was someone I looked up to as a child (I can still remember the details of the light blue dress I wore in her wedding.) She dealt with infertility and chose adoption, she said to me that they say IVF is physically and mentally exhausting while adoption is emotionally exhausting. This meant to me that either way the exhaustion will hopefully be worth it one day!
In Jobs we can find hope in the path that God has chose for us—
“But God understands the way to wisdom, he knows it location. For he looks to the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens” (Jobs 28:23-24)
You see we can stay stuck in the anger of it all or we can choose to trust that God is right here in the deep struggle with us!
As Always much much much love,