This past month was one of our hardest so far. We got one step farther in this journey but that quickly changed. I was able to hold onto God’s truth through it, but I kept getting caught into the, but this is NOT FAIR! Guys– the enemy kept making me believe that I was alone and that one else has to go through this, when I know this is very much a LIE!
My daily devotionals all kept leading me into the truth of the purpose in this struggle. Most days I still kept feeling the lack of fairness during it all. I kept looking back at the things I couldn’t control and the things I felt I have missed out on. You see, I kept getting stuck on the things I’ve missed now for two summers with Ellie, Clint, family and friends. I hate that I am wasting all this time and this summer feels like it has flown by. Perhaps I feel this way because of the extra time I did get with her during the crazy time, but it seems much more real because she is going to KINDERGARTEN this year! Some truths that I have to hold onto are that I got extra slow mornings with my girl cuddling on the couch and due to COVID we had to take a few months off of doctor stuff to spend more time as a family.
Clint has really helped speak truth to me as well, he keeps telling me “You can’t look at it like that.” Clint has been my rock through all stages of our twelve years together, but this past last year he has been so supportive and my strength when sometimes I didn’t even know I need it!
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
Above in James 1:12 it speaks truth about the purpose of trial, and this is so relevant right now. We still have embryos to transfer, but we still know that my uterus may NEVER be able to carry another baby. That truth and uncertainty breaks my heart, but I know that the struggle will be worth it even if another baby is not in our story. This journey so far has taught us so much already and I know God’s not done using us yet.