Guys —this topic is a hard one for me! I have struggled with comparison and jealousy for as long as I can remember! One of the earliest memories I have with this is from first grade. I had an awesome friend who had this amazing pencil box that I wanted! Did I have a perfectly good pencil box—YES, but I wanted something someone else had. This is human nature in all parts of life, but during infertility, it makes this a million times harder. I struggle with this every SINGLE day! It is so hard, but God has been showing me ways to deal with this! My church has been doing daily live devotionals and last week spoke to me. It was from 1 Samuel 18:7-9.
7 The women sang as they played, and said, “Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousand.” 8 Then Saul became very angry. This saying did not please him. He said, “They have given David honor for ten thousands, but for me only thousands. Now, what more can he have but to be king?” 9 And Saul was jealous and did not trust David from that day on.
I want to be like David, but the enemy creeps in and makes me like Saul. Saul was jealous of David, even though Saul had so MUCH! We all get caught in that trap, don’t we? We compare ourselves to others on a daily basis. It is so hard to not get caught up in what we can’t do, can’t have, or the things we want to have. My biggest struggle right now is the comparison to the families with multiple kids. I want to give Ellie a sibling so badly and I can get so stuck in that. I know I shouldn’t feel jealous and compare but I do! Again, the enemy creeps into this and fuels that fire! I have to be careful of this because if I don’t pay close attention to this it will run my life! I feel trapped in that and I have to keep digging into God’s word to find ways to escape the trap of comparison and jealousy. One simple thing I do to help me is to think or list the positives of the things I DO HAVE! I have all the things I really need, God’s love, a safe home, amazingly loving husband, my amazing little girl, supportive family, and friends.
How are you struggling with this today?
Much Love Today,